A lot of people will tell you that the “A” in the LGBT+ acronym stands for Allies. Most of these people are straight and cisgender. Most of these people are bad allies. Even a lot of people in the LGBT+ community say it stands for allies. Here’s a truth bomb: the A doesn’t stand for allies. Or at least, it shouldn’t.
“But Echo!” you cry, “If not allies, what does the A stand for?”
The A stands for Asexuals. Or at least, it should. And if you don’t know what it means to be asexual, that is exactly why it should.
Asexual, like pansexual and other multi-gender-attracted orientations and identities, is routinely ignored and trivialized by LGBT and non-LGBT alike, justified by the fact that asexual people make up about 1% of the population.
So are gingers.
In any case, almost everyone who identifies as asexual called themselves broken before they knew not feeling sexual attraction was something that other people experienced. Others write it off as they haven’t met the right person yet, because that’s what they get told.
In the LGBT+ community, asexuality is on a list of identities that don’t exist, or are claimed by people who really just want to be “special snowflakes”. In all communities, there is someone who will get offended when someone says they are asexual.
Asexuality is very misunderstood. Some myths about it include that it’s synonymous with celibacy, that it’s synonymous with being “frigid” or prudish, that it only happens after someone is raped, and many others.
The difference between asexuality and celibacy is choice. Asexuality is an innate lack of sexual attraction. Celibacy is a choice, often made by people involved with a church, to actively avoid sexual activity. Someone who is celibate can be asexual, and someone who is asexual may choose to be celibate, but the two are not the same.
The idea of being “frigid” is simply something people say about people who will not have sex, namely, sex with them. This is usually used towards virgin cis girls by cis boys, and it is incredibly misogynistic. Not want to have sex, or waiting to have sex, is also something that can be done by asexuals. But again, asexual is a lack of sexual attraction, and the two are not the same.
Often, people jump to the conclusion that a person who is asexual was injured or traumatized in some way, such as rape. While events such as that can turn a person off of sex, that doesn’t necessarily make them asexual.
The common trend here is that people seem to think asexuality is only characterized by the action of having sex or not having sex. The difference between sexual attraction and the action of sex is, of course, the action part. Sexual attraction is attraction based on arousal, or being able to look at a person and have your genitals make a guest appearance. Asexuals do not experience this, demisexuals experience this only with significant others and maybe very close friends, gray-asexuals experience sexual attraction rarely. It is as vast and varying as any other sexuality spectrum. No one definition will fit with every person who identifies as asexual.
A lot of people will defend asexuals by saying that they can have sex, that it has nothing to do with libido, they may have sex to please their partner, etc. I really think this adds stigma to being asexual, making some think they even if they don’t want to, they have to have sex in order for people to take them seriously, and that’s not a healthy mindset to have.
The A in LGBTQIA needs to stand for asexuals to end this stigma and to help people feel like how they feel about sex is not weird or unnatural, and to encourage them to have or not have sex as they wish and they don’t need to have sex to be a valid identity. Asexual is every bit as queer as any other non-heterosexual identity, and ought to be treated as such. Allies are not, and though they may be important to the movement, they have no right to a space just for them in the LGBT+ community in the same way that millionaires can’t stay in homeless shelters.
More on:
AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network)
Tagged: asexual, LGBT, nsfw text, rape mention, sexual attraction
Three Cheers For Feminist Queers 
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